One of the fastest, most uncomfortable—and powerful—tools I use with leaders is this:
You spot it, you got it.
Sounds cute. But it’s actually a razor-sharp lens for self-awareness.
Here’s how it works:
You’re in a meeting. Someone rubs you the wrong way. Maybe they’re posturing, overtalking, under-delivering, playing victim, or steamrolling the conversation. You feel that familiar internal ugh.
That reaction? That’s your cue.
Before you point the finger outward, turn the mirror inward. Ask yourself: Where does that live in me?
Sometimes it’s obvious—your inner steamroller recognizes another. Other times it’s sneakier. You might judge someone’s indecisiveness because you secretly resent how often you suppress your own instincts to keep the peace. Or you might roll your eyes at someone’s self-promotion because you’re afraid to own your own brilliance.
This isn’t about blaming yourself. It’s about reclaiming power.
Because when you realize that what triggers you in others often reveals something disowned in yourself, you shift from reactivity to responsibility.
You reclaim choice. You deepen self-awareness. You stop being emotionally hijacked by the behaviors of others.
I watched this come to life in a recent executive offsite
The team was riding high. We had just wrapped a round of appreciation and reflections. Spirits were up. People felt seen. Then I gave them a little gift.
I said, “Here’s one of my favorite tools. It’s simple, and it’s about to stretch you:
You spot it, you got it.”
I asked each person to think of a judgment they were holding—about anyone in their life, not just on the team. Then I challenged them to flip it. Find the truth in it. Locate how that same quality shows up in them.
Own one projection.
You could feel the shift. The discomfort. The realness. But then—breakthrough.
One exec realized that the ‘neediness’ they’d been judging in a colleague was actually mirroring their own unmet need to be recognized. Another saw that their frustration with someone’s control-freak behavior was reflecting the tight grip they kept on their own team.
That moment? That’s when presence deepens and connection gets real. Not performative connection—earned connection. Built on truth, not titles.
What does this mean for leaders?
Start listening to your projections.Actively look for what your judgments are trying to teach you about you. Then—here’s the kicker—reveal it. Say it out loud. Name it to a teammate. A coach. Your team.
It’s a major power move. Actually, scratch that—it’s a major presence and connection move.One that builds trust. One that signals: I’m doing the work, too. And when leaders lead with that kind of ownership? Everything shifts.
